How to Close the Deal (You’d Never Guess)

In the name of quasi-scientific research, I’ve been roaming the wilds of Denver putting a recent theory of mine to the test.  Oscar Wilde once quipped that a woman will lose a man to anything — except another woman.  Well, I’m here to tell you this still rings true.  Although myobservation is subjective and I didn’t have a control group, there’s something out there that you young guys should know.  Read on, Grasshoppers. . .

I searched for couples who were not married.  Judging by conversation and body language, it was obvious they had just met at the bar or were on a first date.   All couples had the same thing in common: interested man, indifferent woman.  Body language was important:  invariably, she was in the I’m-listening-but-closed position, arms crossed and resting on the bar or table in front of her, looking straight ahead or at something on the table, trying not to make too much eye contact with him.  Without fail, she had classic I-don’t-want-to-encourage-you-too-much behavior.  He, however, was always engaged and always turned toward her, arms open, receptive and trying to find a way in.  He was leaning in, trying to close the deal. 

This is where all couples started.  By the end of my experiments, I was closing the deal for him 100% of the time. 

Here’s how it worked:

I sat in his line of vision, perpendicular to the woman.  I made sure my cleavage was amply displayed and waited to make eye contact with him.  He’d look at my chest first, then raise his eyes to my face.  I’d smile.  Immediately, he would look at her, not wanting to give the wrong impression (bad move, guys — you’ll see why).  She was still in closed position, fiddling with her cell phone, playing with the napking or coaster, still faced straight ahead, acting like she’d rather be just about anywhere else but sitting next to this guy.

Eventually, after I made eye contact with him and smiled a few times, he would smile back.  This evoked a strong reaction from her.  She would look over to see who he was smiling at, and give the once-over to my cleavage, and frown.  IMMEDIATELY, she would lean back and turn slightly toward him and begin making eye contact.  She would never, ever look back at me.  But he would.

Continuing to smile every time he looked over, I watched her body language.  The more he smiled at me, the closer she would lean toward him, eventually turning her back to me and facing him full on.  Her gestures would become more exagerrated, to attract more of his attention: she would begin playing with her hair and putting her shoulders back, showing off her chest.  He would still look once in a while but lean in toward her.  He would smile at me once in a while.  By now, their heads would be very close together.  She would say something that caught his attention (it was obviously something sexual).  He would begin looking at her face: eyes and mouth.  He’d still glance at me, but his smiles were gone, now.

Eventually, she would begin touching him and he would begin to ignore me.  They would start acting like lovers.  Within five minutes of her beginning to touch him, they would leave together. 

On the way out, she would give me a smug look of victory (like I cared — I was in research ).  I never failed to get a smile as he made his way past me.

This happened 10 times.  All 10 times, the guy closed the deal.  What happened after they left, I have no idea,  But he’d found an in.

Interesting, huh?  And what have we learned today, kids?  Sometimes, the right move is counterintuitive.  And women are just as competitive now as they were in Oscar’s day.  Some things never, ever change.